Alice in Wonderland 2010

This movie was a tough one to review, for me. I grew up loving the Disney classic Alice in Wonderland. The thought that Disney was going to take my all time favorite classic and let Hollywood rape it was absurd, to me. Still, I wanted to see it more than anything. So, here's my review of the Alice in Wonderland sequel.

Now, most people went into this expecting a remake since it wasn't titled “Alice in Wonderland 2” or something. As a remake, this movie would fail. It shares characters, but the plot is completely its own. As a sequel, it doesn't make much sense until the middle/end of the movie, but once that glorious moment arrives, it's like everything just comes together wonderfully.

The development that was done on the character Alice and her family was extraordinary, even if the family is only seen for a total of about 20 minutes on screen, if not less. You get to meet her father and mother and sister and insane aunt and all sorts of other people in her life, when in the classic it was just her and a bit of her sister. This movie is completely different from the classic, besides the base characters. You have Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, Abosolem (Mr. Caterpillar), the Queen of Hearts (also known as the Red Queen), a new character, the White Queen and, of course, Alice. All of these characters are introduced quite quickly, and are seen almost as soon as Alice gets to “Underland”. The character development and personality went beyond my expectations.

The character Alice is grown up and the movie focuses more on her as a person than on her adventure through Wonderland. Some people may be disappointed in this fact, but I really like what they did with Alice. She seemed more real. She had a personality and voice in the movie, and demonstrated growth. The visual effects were stunning, and I highly recommend seeing it in 3D, if you choose to see it at all. The dialogue was weak, at times, and there aren't many funny parts. I didn't laugh through the entire movie except for maybe once, despite there being some obvious jokes thrown in. It was very dramatic and the climax of the movie really delivered. Who would have thought that Alice ends up in a suit of armor, wielding a sword preparing to fight the Jabberwocky? Not me. She transformed from an innocent little girl, lost in a world of her imagination, to becoming a hero amongst the people of another land. It's like I saw my childhood grow and become something epic. This movie will never replace the classic, in my heart, but it certainly delivered on all points. I went into this movie with high hopes and low expectations, and I was blown away. I give Alice in Wonderland an 8/10. I loved it.

Here Are Your 2010 Oscar Winners!

 

 Wrong Oscar again!

Best Picture
 The Hurt Locker

Actor in a Leading Role
 Jeff Bridges

Actor in a Supporting Role
Christoph Waltz

Actress in a Leading Role
Sandra Bullock

Actress in a Supporting Role
Mo'Nique

Animated Feature Film
Up

Redemption? House of the Dead 2

"Begins with a BANG and doesn't let up 'til the end!" - John Fallon .. Fuck you, John Fallon

 

How can you take shit and turn it into gold? Well, you can't when you take a shit storm such as the House of the Dead movie series. Okay, enough with the word shit. I don't want to look like Jim Lahey. When I heard that this sequel blew the original out of the water, I was willing to give it a chance. I regret that and I could have spent my time doing so many better things, like counting sand, or going to the dentist and having my teeth pulled out. So what makes this movie so bad?

First off the film starts off like it was some grade F college themed comedy with wild frat boys and plenty o' titties around. I was actually wondering if I had picked the wrong movie. Nope, it was the right one. Who thinks of these intros​? Eventually the movie looks more like a zombie flick as Sid Haig kills a girl and tries his new serum to bring back the dead on her. Bad move! Of course, it goes wrong and it leads to a pandemic outbreak.

Now let's meet some of our lovable cast. Alexandra 'Nightingale' Morgan is the do no harm, do the right thing, sexy, kick ass girl. A new and interesting take on the female lead character (Sarcasm alert!) Ellis, her partner, is the suave ass kicking man pig. He has a dark past as his brother was killed last week in a mission. You'll hear plenty about his brother. The characters in this film are GOD AWFUL they aren't even good enough to call two dimensional. They're one dimensional. For some reason the writers felt that every character should be a walking one liner factory. From the main characters to the leader of the fucking army! What the hell? There isn't a serious character is this sh-I mean, crap storm. Horrible characters make for horrible movies, any idiot would know this. The acting is horribad, too. How did they cast this thing? First come, first serve? It didn't seem like anyone in this film had any talent. It's either they were underacting the big “dramatic” parts or over acting over little things. The dialogue was a joke, too.

What else do we need to make bad movie soup? Stupid plot? How about plot inconsistency? You'll find plenty of that. This is one of those zombie movies where one dude can get bit and the crew has time to argue what to do with him, but somehow the next bite victim is all like “ROAR INSTA ZOMBIE.” They use the zombies as a bad plot device, tinkering with them as need be to make the plot continue without any thought that the audience could catch on. Who are they trying to fool? Like how sometimes the zombies could run, sometimes they just STOOD STILL so our heroes could bravely walk around them. Another great example is that early on a single zombie happens to bite a soldier on the way to the campus, a soldier who is being accompanied by a team of about 8 people. Yet, at the end, the two main characters literally walk right through a HUGE ASS GROUP OF ZOMBIES. THEY ARE LITERALLY TOE TO TOE WITH THESE ZOMBIES, YET THEY CAN JUST PUSH THEM OUT OF THE WAY. I'M SORRY, YOU'RE DEAD. GAME OVER. NOTHING MORE. YOU CANT EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE, BUT IT HAPPENS AND MORE THAN ONCE.

Is this better than the original? Yes, but that's not saying much. If I rated the original I would give it a 1 out of 10. This film gets a 2/10 with its horrible acting, rubbish character design, and absolutely no respect for the plot. This reminds me nothing of the games. Please, check your source material before shitting on a plate and trying to sucker loyal fans into seeing it. Do not pay for this crap, pirate it. Paying for this will only allow the directors and studio to flag the sequel. Put an end to bad movies, take my advice and do something else, like read this awesome blog! This is Josh for Cool Movie, Bro saying “IT STINKS!” in my best Jay Sherman voice.

Here Are Your Oscar Nominations For 2010

 

Wrong Oscar...

Performance by an actor in a leading role

* Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart" (Fox Searchlight)
* George Clooney in "Up in the Air" (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
* Colin Firth in "A Single Man" (The Weinstein Company)
* Morgan Freeman in "Invictus" (Warner Bros.)
* Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker" (Summit Entertainment)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

* Matt Damon in "Invictus" (Warner Bros.)
* Woody Harrelson in "The Messenger" (Oscilloscope Laboratories)
* Christopher Plummer in "The Last Station" (Sony Pictures Classics)
* Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones" (DreamWorks in association with Film4, Distributed by Paramount)
* Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds" (The Weinstein Company)

Zombieland vs Shaun of the Dead

You got red on you.

Today I'm comparing two great zomedies, Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland. I want to start off by saying that I love both of these movies, and they're both chock full of laughs, but there are some very important differences that make both of these movies unique. First, let's look at how these movies start off. Zombieland is set in post-zombie world. The zombies have already eliminated most of the human race, and there are very few people left on the planet, it seems. Shaun of the Dead begins with your normal, everyday activity, and the zombies begin to appear as the film progresses. Then, there's the amount of zombies in each film. Zombieland fails to deliver the vast amounts of zombies you'd expect to see in Cali, especially around the Hollywood area. Shaun of the Dead, however, boasts large amounts of zombies no matter where they are, although the amount of zombie slaughter is less prevalent than in Zombieland. Zombieland, in fact, delivers a lot more of the zombie carnage that most zombie filmgoers crave from their zombie movies.
Shaun of the Dead centers in London and most of its comedic effect comes from its brilliant use of foreshadowing, along with its character personalities. It's one of those movies that you can watch over and over again, and realize something new each and every time. In this movie, the characters seem less aware of the situation surrounding them, as the zombie outbreak seems to happen in the course of one day. As the movie describes itself as a “romantic comedy with zombies”, I find it to be more of a zombie movie with a romantic comedy tossed in. It really seems to take my mind off of the story at hand by tossing in so much action, even though there's really not much zombie killing happening. I notice it also holds true to the classic, slow moving zombie that's so rarely seen in the newer films of its genre and age. You also get much less of a world range view and more of just the settings they move through. You're never really aware of whether or not the entire world is being plagued with zombies, or if it's just London. You also don't get a blatant, in your face explanation of what caused the outbreak itself, until the end. The characters already know one another, and have connections made before the outbreak, so there's a lot less time building relationships and a lot more time establishing where they stand in accordance to one another in the beginning of the film. This film is unique in that the zombie situation is contained in the end of things, and humans regain control.

I hope that's your blowjob giving face.

Zombieland has more of a worldwide view of things, letting the viewer know that the whole earth is fucked, not just the area the characters are in. The characters don't know each other, initially, and the movie centers more around them making bonds with one another and letting the viewer know what each individual character is about. They're all very different, and it's likely you'll find at least one of them relatable in some way. The movie immediately lets the viewer know how the outbreak began and exactly what caused it. Although this film features less zombies than Shaun of the Dead, it has a ton more zombie killing and features the newer, faster zombies. Almost every zombie encountered is completely destroyed in the most satisfying way. It also features zombies in the first few frames, as opposed to Shaun of the Dead which had actions leading up to the very first zombie encounter. This movie is constantly funny because of the characters, and the characters alone. The casting seems almost perfect, even throwing in a hilarious celebrity cameo. Although this movie is full of laughs, it has its heartfelt moments. A couple even brought tears to my eyes but, in the next breath, had me laughing once again.

All in all, both of these movies are amazing watches and are enjoyable time and time, again. I would recommend both to anyone who loves their zombies or anyone who loves a good comedy. These films practice a balance of the two unseen and unheard of in any other films to date. They were both very well done and wonderfully casted. Though both films are of the same genre, they are very different from one another, but this doesn't stop either of them from being any less amazing than the other.

Shutter Island Review *SPOILERS GALORE*

 

Too bad the movie didn't suck so I could of called it "Shitter Island."

Ah, the asylum film. It should be a genre of its own. How is Scorsese, one of the supposed great American directors, going to pull this one off? One thing I love about his work is how he really choreographs the music along side of the atmospheric shots, creating an ambiance that helps you to get drawn into this world before you. The ambiance is set heavily in the first bits of the movie as you are taking a journey along side Edward (Leo) into the asylum itself. The music plays hauntingly in the background, creating a sense of paranoia. Making you feel as if maybe something isn't right here. That's why we have the detectives, though, as they try and figure out the disappearance of one of the patients here on Shutter Island, who happened to just vanish into thin air through locked doors and guarded corridors.

About a third of the movie is taken up by this search. I think this is a tad bit boring, but what gets you is the curiosity, that's what draws you in. It's a bit of a thriller with a bit of mystery dashed into it, which is done quite well. The dialogue sequences are ranging from awesome to “is that necessary?” Some of them even slow the movie down, making its flow and pace a bit humdrum. All during the investigation Leo seems to be snapping into flashbacks and having some really vivid dreams. I thought the dream sequences were the director trying to show us the psyche of a person. We've all had dreams that were vivid but a bit on the, well, weird side and these dreams are a bit like that.

Eventually the ol' cop opens up and you learn he jumped on this case to find his wife's killer. At this time there are even some signs pointing to conspiracy?! Egad Leo! Run! At least that's what some of the patients have been telling him. So yeah, the escapee is found and all is well. OH REALLY? Leo doesn't think so! So he continues to investigate before being shipped away on the ferry back to the mainland. Yeah, so they just found her like that, she was just a plot device. But for what? Que eerie music. The big break comes, though, during a terrible storm hitting the island. This storm knocks out the elictrical security unlocking the patients cells. This gives Leo a chance to sneak into the highly guarded C ward. Or, at least, you thought it was highly guarded, but he just waltzes in like it's nothing. Up comes my favorite part. The part where they are approaching the ward. They slowly walk through a darkened room with a flickering light. In the background, screams and cries from the violent prisoners being held inside echo through the halls, awesome stuff. So, Leo ends up playing some tag with one of the escaped patients and then he catches up to him only to start getting the shit beat out of him. I'm not sure the purpose of this and that whole scene seemed pointless, but Leo ends up turning the tables then choking the shit out of this dude. I think this was all to prove a point of how violent he really is, which he denies completely. He just wants some peace.

Now, the last half is the tying up of the plot, filling in your loose ends. Leo runs into someone that he supposedly knew in the past. The guy, who he thinks is his wife's killer, turns out not to be. He tells him that this is all just one big game and he needs to watch his back before getting hurt, or worse, taken to the dreaded lighthouse. This causes Leo to investigate and find the REAL woman who escaped. So, this place is fucking with him? She explains that they are cruel military men who are trying to find a way to control the human mind and they needed new brains. Apparently, anything Leo consumed while being there is a nerve agent, making him a ticking time bomb. Now our “hero” must finally find the truth! He goes all commando, blowing up cars, knocking the fuck out of guards, and going straight to the top. This is the twist, you ready? HE IS REALLY INSANE! At this point I kind of figured this out. This is the bad part about the asylum movies, this is the twist to expect and is kind of, well, cliche. So, Leo is really his wife's killer, the escaped woman wasn't real, and this whole cop/detective bullshit was an elaborate role-play to help Leo stop denying the truth. Still, the movie was pretty good, cliches included. I wouldn't go see it again because the mystery is over and that's really what was keeping my interest. Oh and also if you haven't seen the movie and read this you might as well go see something else, sorry!

Final score: 8/10